Compersion & Jealousy

Jealousy can be a difficult habit to break. It is an anticipatory emotion to avoid someone taking what we value, usually a relationship.  Jealousy can include anger, fear, abandonment, grief, resentment, feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, humiliation and anxiety.

Jealousy is a very intense, painful and yet completely normal emotion. Some people may be more susceptible based on their childhood, attachment history, relationship history and core beliefs about self and others.

Jealous feelings are different from jealous behaviours which can create a self fulfilling prophecy by pushing away what we covet.

Compersion, on the other hand,  is a polyamoury term and generally considered the opposite of jealousy, the altruistic or vicarious joy and happiness we experience when others are happy. Compersion is far from a new concept though. In Buddhism it’s one of the ‘four immeasurables’ called mudita. The enemies of mudita are greed and envy, the allies are gratitude and compassion.

Jealousy and compersion aren’t mutually exclusive and an element of jealousy can be very helpful for a relationship. It can remind you how much you love your partner, it can also highlight personal feelings of inadequacy which may need personal attention, and open up communication.

Happiness and joy are created when we cultivate compersion and manage jealousy.