IS SEX THAT DIFFERENT FROM FOOD
AUGUST 2021
From the more obvious perspectives, sex is very different from food. An individual can survive a month without sex (albeit with difficulty) but will struggle to survive that long without food.
From another perspective, the pursuit of and importance of sex and food are very similar. Both are necessary for survival. Both are entirely natural, and both are fundamental aspects of being human.
From my perspective, there is another perspective from which sex and food are similar. Both should be part of human life from the very beginning. Indeed, both should be part of the human discourse from the very beginning, or at least as early as is, a child can engage in discourse. Children need to learn about the dietary alternatives available to them, the foods that appeal to their taste and the things (organic and otherwise) they should and should not eat. I would argue that sex is no different.
It has always seemed bizarre to me that when a child asks where babies come from, many (if not most Western) parents choose to offer euphemistic explanations, or worse, still shut the conversation down. It staggers me that as parents, many people can be so anal retentive that they cannot discuss sex, in all of its forms, with children from early on in the child’s life). Why anyone ever uses euphemisms about anything is beyond me. In my view, they are for people unable to be honest with themselves, let alone others. Further, a parent who avoids speaking about sex – something that is as natural as eating, drinking, sleeping, or shitting – is at best irrational.
I think I know why this happens. I suspect at least it is because the parents lack the confidence and or feel embarrassed when confronted with conversations about sex. Some parents use the excuse that they do not want their children to indulge in sex while young. This is a clear rationalization given that they are happy to talk about driving, are encouraged to talk about alcohol, and frequently talk about many other things they would not want their children to participate in until they are adults.
There is also no evidence whatsoever that children with parents who talk about sex when the children are young start engaging with sex younger than children who do not have such conversations. In short – suggesting children are too young for conversations about sex is as stupid as suggesting they are too young to discuss food. There seems to be a world of irrational myths that arise from the insecurities and embarrassment of parents who will not discuss sex with their kids.
Sex between children and adults is never acceptable under any circumstances. But that does not mean that parents cannot or should not discuss sex honestly with their children. It also does not mean parents cannot discuss heterosexual ‘vanilla’ sex and other variants involving homosexuality, bisexuality, group sex and BDSM. That these subjects are broached makes it no more likely that they will be engaged in. There is no evidence that discussing sexual variances, tastes, and orientations encourages the prevalence of those things. Indeed, the contrary may be the case.
There also seems to be an ignorance of the fact that children engage in sexual activities when they are very young indeed and have sexual attractions when they are moderately young. Children start masturbating in the first year of life – and as they grow older, they are, in my view, disadvantaged by not being told that this is entirely normal and even beneficial. Children start to feel sexual attractions and urge from a relatively young age (perhaps 11 or 12) – which is surely more dangerous – if there has been no discussion of why or whether such attractions and urges are normal, healthy, or otherwise.
Among my many guiding principles in life are these two:
No subject should ever be out of bounds.
Always say it as it is (or at least how you see it).
This does not, of course, mean that you raise issues with children that are of no interest to them, of no value to them. I am not suggesting that as soon as a child is able to communicate, you start discussing BDSM. But if they ask, it is important to answer honestly. And some subjects need to be discussed with children as early as possible so that when they feel or see it, they understand that it is within normal parameters. Masturbation might fall into this category, as might sexual preferences. What is more, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that if these kinds of subjects are discussed honestly – the outcomes are better for the children.
I recently posted a blog on FET discussing the involvement of young people in sex education, and specifically that pertaining to BDSM. Life’s Hierarchy is a club for devotees of D/s. It only allows people over the age of 18 to join. That said, the article touched on the practice of involving people as young as 16 in BDSM education sessions, and the response from some readers (readers with a mental age much less than 16, but the wrinkles and neanderthal attitudes normally associated with being much older) included the suggestion that this represents paedophilia. Quite apart from demonstrating an ignorance of what paedophilia is, these comments reflected an ignorance of what education is.
Education is the process of giving people the information they need to make the decisions they will need to make. In my view, only an ignorant fool (generally one without an education) would suggest that educating a 16 or 17 years old about the issues, problems, opportunities and options they will confront in their lives is anything but a good thing. Communication and education are almost always good things. Indeed, history suggests that the great challenges in the history of our civilization have arisen where there is a lack of communication or knowledge.
Put simply – talk more to your children about all subjects. Talk honestly with your children about every subject that interests them, and indeed many that don’t. Never stop talking honestly to your children when they are 12 months, 12 years or 16 years of age. Do whatever you can to ensure your children do not view sex as something dirty that should not be discussed and past times like BDSM as a way of living they may enjoy when they are of age. Sex and even BDSM should not be hidden away and treated as if they are out of bounds. Queen Victoria left the British throne some time ago.